I want to share one of my deepest + darkest shadows with you and how I continue to make peace with it. The shadow is what I call as the manipulative bitch - the one who is pushy, aggressive, plays with your emotions/fond memories, intentionally crosses boundaries and of course is manipulative. For me this shadow has always shown up in the form of a woman. I used to run away from her because in the past I had tried a lot of ways to protect myself from her viciousness - begging, pleading, expressing love/rage/anger/pain. Nothing had helped! So, whenever I felt the presence of a manipulative bitch I ran away/hid/pretended she did not exist.
However, the shadow always persisted and the worst part was that I began to meet her often. I felt powerless and helpless in front of her, till I became available to do deep + intense inner work on my own self.
Doing the inner work made me arrive at a place of compassion for the bitch. I had seen her in myself. I had accepted and embraced her in myself. I could now understand that she was only trying her best to gain love + attention from her partner/children/family/friends/community. This was the only way she knew to get what she wanted and she was fiercely determined to get what she wanted.
Knowing her intention and feeling it in my body, I began to see the shadow in a different way. Where could I feel compassion to the part of me that I see in the manipulative bitch? Getting to that place always brought up the right action from me with a woman expressing this specific shadow. She also, almost always, brought a gift and a message along with her. In the past these were hidden because of the cloud of pain and anger that I felt towards her.
The gift was the reminder to honour my journey more deeply and to stand in my true power. The message changed according to what I needed to hear in a given moment and it was always in perfect timing.
With any shadow work there is always more deeper levels of healing that can be accessed, which also brings more freedom and personal power. The deeper realisation came that only if the manipulative bitch could love and connect to herself there would be no need for her to engage in all her scheming ways. Loving and connecting to oneself is light and shadows dissolve in the light. They fade away more and more as the strength of the light increases.
I also knew, from the years of personal development work, that nothing meets me unless it is an energetic match to who I am. This was another layer of healing and uncovering that happened for me with this shadow.
Dominant story of the shadow : I am not loved or attended to so I must use manipulative ways to receive it from the people around me.
My story (a perfect fit to that of the shadow) : I am not good enough to be loved or attended to and I am powerless to receive it from the people around me.
The most important change that has happened in me as a result is that I have become more fierce with my love, more fierce with my boundaries, more honouring of my inner power. Know that if this post resonates with you then the changes can be available to you as well. Your journey is going to be different as your dominant shadows might not be the same as mine. Getting to your own story and the energetic match happening with it gives you the awareness, acceptance and the right action that must be taken to rise above your story. You need to be willing to make yourself available for the deep, dark shadow work. Do you feel the call to work with yourself at such an intense level?